Disclaimer: If you are to read this post, kindly read till the end because this is not a rant. Not really. There is an important lesson here that I think all of us could learn from.
I recently "met" a guy on Tinder who has good looks, a great job with unique interests, is intellectual and comes from a heritage/culture that I so happen to have an interest in. We had been talking about meeting up for the past few weeks. I was trying to get the details of our "meetup" in place when he suddenly asked me,"Are you up for a fling?"
Now my first reaction to that was disappointment. I know Tinder is known for hookups and such but I didn't think he was "that type". I was like,"It's such a pity that someone with so much to offer had to be just the same as guys that I could get from any parit and pelusuk around here". As the initial disappointment ebbed off, I took a step back to rationalize what is it about this situation that made me feel that way. Why on earth am I feeling disappointed in someone I do not even know? The honest answer is because I had placed unnecessary and unrealistic expectations on him.
I remember this one video I've watched on YouTube by Matthew Hussey. He basically said that women need to give men a chance to get to know them without having to bear the burden of being measured up to their idea of an ideal man. Give a man 5 minutes of interaction without thinking about what happens after that and whether or not you will be in a relationship together. If something more DOES happens beyond of that 5 minutes (you discover common ground, you're attracted with each other, etc.), then great. If not then we can simply (and easily) move on because we did not have expectations for 'what might be'.
I think this is good advice for myself and every single women (and men for that matter) as this is some of the most common dating mistakes we make. We shouldn't twist ourselves into knots (e.g. feeling disappointed, etc.) over what someone we just met is (or isn't) because he/she is NOT yet worthy of such emotions from us.
Also, I realize that for someone that I had yet to know nor met, it was quite harsh of me to disregard everything else that he is and stuff him into the same category as some of the men I actually know to be real douchebags. After all our lifestyle doesn't necessarily define us. I am sure he would make a wonderful partner to someone somewhere when he is ready to commit. At least, I hope so. Haha...
In the meantime, I will shake it off and continue to enjoy the eye candy and "5 minute" interactions as they come.
Have you tried Tinder before? If you have, what is the craziest conversations you've ever had?
Love,
Phy
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