My Ambition... Reminicence.. And Something You Don't Expect..

Hello Dear Readers,

As early as I can remember as a child, I have heard of the word 'ambition'. I heard it in school when the teachers asked us to write what our ambition was back in 1st grade, I heard it at home when my father talked to my sisters (they were much older than me) and I heard it on the media.. In grade school the 'default' answers that a teacher would get from students when asked what they wanted to be is that they want to be teachers, doctors and lawyers with a sprinkle of policemen.

I remember when I was little, I went to a Funfair once (on the rare occasion that it stopped by in my small town) and I liked it so much that I wanted to be a Funfair ticket seller, sitting in the booth. Yup, laughable I know.. Hehe.. In my defence though (aside from being only 6 or 7 years old), it was because I thought that if I could be a Funfair ticket seller, I would be able to travel with the Funfair troupe and have fun every single day. That was the first of a string of ambition that was to follow.

My dad then planted the idea in my head that I should be a Gynocologist (Did I spell that correctly?). He said that I would make a lot of money out of it. I think I was 9 years old at that time. From that day onwards everytime someone asked me what I wanted to be when I grow up I would say that I want to be a Gynocologist. The funny thing was, I didn't even know what that is. It was a good thing the other kids didn't know what that was either. That would have been soooo embarassing.. Hahaha...

Starting highschool I developed an interest in human behaviour. I believed (and still do) that 'different people react differently in different situations at different times'. It's so amazing how a change of venue could lead to a completely different reaction from the same person, same situation and time.. So, I toyed with the idea to become a Psychologist or a Counsellor (forgive me if I spelled that wrong too) for about four years. By the time I was in Form 4 I booted both careers 'out the window' because I felt that I didn't have the detachment required for both career. I just KNOW that I would get emotionally involved with my client's problems.

It was around that time that a becoming a teacher was 'in'. It seemed that EVERYONE wanted to be a teacher whether it was teaching Maths, Science or English. Other subjects were not so popular then. One of my strong subjects in school was English. Everyone was telling me that I should apply for TESL (Teaching English as a Second Language). I didn't have the calling to become a teacher, never have and maybe I never will. I did apply though, just to humor my parents who were about to have palpitations when I said I didn't want to be a teacher. Don't get me wrong, I don't have anything against educators at all, I was just not interested in the field.

After SPM I couldn't think AT ALL what I wanted to be. I was a Science Stream student but I wasn't good at it. I was offered a Business Studies course for Diploma and I discovered a love for Accounts. Yup, you guessed it, after that I wanted to be in the Accounting field. However, at the same time there was a lot of buzz going around about going into the Government Sector because of all the perks and benefits. This year I have been blessed to be able to have the opportunity to work in both fields..

After that variety of ambitions and working experiences, you'd think that I would have found the right career for me right? Well... Let's just say not exactly.. How so? you might ask... You see, I'm not the highflyer that most people have the tendency to view me to be. I don't aim to have a high post or be in a position of power. I'm a family person, I like to do things for my loved ones such as cook for them especially when I feel comfortable in their kitchen. I like taking care of them and I like being taken cared of.. If I were to be perfectly, PERFECTLY honest... I wouldn't mind being a housewife.

There, I've said it. Shocked? I'm not surprised. There's not a lot of people out there who considers being a housewife as a career because there is no salary involved, no pay raise and no promotions. Everyone is entitled to their own opinions. For me it is an ongoing career, a career that requires dedication, motivation also Planning, Leading, Organizing and Controling (Yup, I still remember the PLOC from Business Management class.. Madam Hasnah would be proud.. Hahaha...). The ultimate reward for me is not a Bonus at the end of the year, it is not missing out a moment on seeing my children growing up, hopefully to become upstanding citizens and leaders of the future.

Sure, a lot of women out there work in high positions and have families as well and manage both outstandingly. It all boils down to the individual I guess. Personally, I have never been the kind of person who can juggle several major things at once. I don't think that I would be able to handle working and studying at the same time for example. In order to take really good job of taking care of my spouse and children with a clean, comfortable house to live in and good food to fill their bellies I would need a lot of time at my disposal. SO... If I HAVE to choose between a career and my future family, God willing, I'm more than willing to give my career up for them.

Stupid? Maybe. Will it be worth it in the end? I don't know.. What I DO know is that when it comes to work, nobody is indespensable. At the end of the day when I'm old and grey, my career won't be the one that takes care of me, help me get in and out of bed and feed me. God willing, it will be my life partner and children.