My Ambition... Reminicence.. And Something You Don't Expect..

Hello Dear Readers,

As early as I can remember as a child, I have heard of the word 'ambition'. I heard it in school when the teachers asked us to write what our ambition was back in 1st grade, I heard it at home when my father talked to my sisters (they were much older than me) and I heard it on the media.. In grade school the 'default' answers that a teacher would get from students when asked what they wanted to be is that they want to be teachers, doctors and lawyers with a sprinkle of policemen.

I remember when I was little, I went to a Funfair once (on the rare occasion that it stopped by in my small town) and I liked it so much that I wanted to be a Funfair ticket seller, sitting in the booth. Yup, laughable I know.. Hehe.. In my defence though (aside from being only 6 or 7 years old), it was because I thought that if I could be a Funfair ticket seller, I would be able to travel with the Funfair troupe and have fun every single day. That was the first of a string of ambition that was to follow.

My dad then planted the idea in my head that I should be a Gynocologist (Did I spell that correctly?). He said that I would make a lot of money out of it. I think I was 9 years old at that time. From that day onwards everytime someone asked me what I wanted to be when I grow up I would say that I want to be a Gynocologist. The funny thing was, I didn't even know what that is. It was a good thing the other kids didn't know what that was either. That would have been soooo embarassing.. Hahaha...

Starting highschool I developed an interest in human behaviour. I believed (and still do) that 'different people react differently in different situations at different times'. It's so amazing how a change of venue could lead to a completely different reaction from the same person, same situation and time.. So, I toyed with the idea to become a Psychologist or a Counsellor (forgive me if I spelled that wrong too) for about four years. By the time I was in Form 4 I booted both careers 'out the window' because I felt that I didn't have the detachment required for both career. I just KNOW that I would get emotionally involved with my client's problems.

It was around that time that a becoming a teacher was 'in'. It seemed that EVERYONE wanted to be a teacher whether it was teaching Maths, Science or English. Other subjects were not so popular then. One of my strong subjects in school was English. Everyone was telling me that I should apply for TESL (Teaching English as a Second Language). I didn't have the calling to become a teacher, never have and maybe I never will. I did apply though, just to humor my parents who were about to have palpitations when I said I didn't want to be a teacher. Don't get me wrong, I don't have anything against educators at all, I was just not interested in the field.

After SPM I couldn't think AT ALL what I wanted to be. I was a Science Stream student but I wasn't good at it. I was offered a Business Studies course for Diploma and I discovered a love for Accounts. Yup, you guessed it, after that I wanted to be in the Accounting field. However, at the same time there was a lot of buzz going around about going into the Government Sector because of all the perks and benefits. This year I have been blessed to be able to have the opportunity to work in both fields..

After that variety of ambitions and working experiences, you'd think that I would have found the right career for me right? Well... Let's just say not exactly.. How so? you might ask... You see, I'm not the highflyer that most people have the tendency to view me to be. I don't aim to have a high post or be in a position of power. I'm a family person, I like to do things for my loved ones such as cook for them especially when I feel comfortable in their kitchen. I like taking care of them and I like being taken cared of.. If I were to be perfectly, PERFECTLY honest... I wouldn't mind being a housewife.

There, I've said it. Shocked? I'm not surprised. There's not a lot of people out there who considers being a housewife as a career because there is no salary involved, no pay raise and no promotions. Everyone is entitled to their own opinions. For me it is an ongoing career, a career that requires dedication, motivation also Planning, Leading, Organizing and Controling (Yup, I still remember the PLOC from Business Management class.. Madam Hasnah would be proud.. Hahaha...). The ultimate reward for me is not a Bonus at the end of the year, it is not missing out a moment on seeing my children growing up, hopefully to become upstanding citizens and leaders of the future.

Sure, a lot of women out there work in high positions and have families as well and manage both outstandingly. It all boils down to the individual I guess. Personally, I have never been the kind of person who can juggle several major things at once. I don't think that I would be able to handle working and studying at the same time for example. In order to take really good job of taking care of my spouse and children with a clean, comfortable house to live in and good food to fill their bellies I would need a lot of time at my disposal. SO... If I HAVE to choose between a career and my future family, God willing, I'm more than willing to give my career up for them.

Stupid? Maybe. Will it be worth it in the end? I don't know.. What I DO know is that when it comes to work, nobody is indespensable. At the end of the day when I'm old and grey, my career won't be the one that takes care of me, help me get in and out of bed and feed me. God willing, it will be my life partner and children.

A Challenge and a Blessing

Hi dear readers...
As I have told you in my previous blog I have been given a job offer in the government sector and I have already started my job. I tried looking for a room to rent nearer to my workplace but unfortunately the rooms get snapped up so fast. I searched in websites like mudah.com and caribilik.com but still there's nothing available. I also went to the apartments and called the number on the ads. Some of them were only put up the day before yet when I called someone has actually taken it.

That being said I had to stay at my sister's place in KL and commute using two different modes of transportation. For the first two weeks my sister had to send me to the train station where I had to take the KL Transit train. It's very fast, only 20 minutes to reach my destination and then I had to take a but to my office. Althought the train enables me to reach my destination real quickly, the fare is RM9.50 ONE WAY. So in a day my transportation cost is RM19 a day including the bus fare.

This week I started using the bus from my sister's area directly to the bus terminal where I'm working and then take another bus to the office. The fare is so,so much cheaper, being Rapid KL I only had to pay a bus fare of RM2 and I can use the same ticket to go back. However, as anyone in KL commuting using any bus service would know, buses are sooooo not a comfortable way to travel. It also takes about 50 minutes (65 minutes if we get stuck in a jam) to get there and its soooo packed. Geez..

Going to work is not so bad as people are still 'fresh' so to speak early in the morning. Coming back from work is a different matter. The smells of 60 sweaty people meshed together like sardines in a can is almost if not unbearable. If you're lucky enough to get a seat but it's near the 'lane' in the middle of the bus, expect to have someone's wide open armpits or butt in you face. The other day I had to stand up for nearly half an hour into the journey and as the bus was packed to the limit we were all barely 2 inches apart. I had no room to manouver and ended up having to stand self-conciously close to men (with 'dragon breath' no less) that I don't know for that long. That is no less uncomfortable let me tell you.

But you know what dear readers? I have begun to look at the situation where I can't seem to get a house and have to go through so much hassle before I can get to work or get home as a Blessing in disguise. If I had gotten a house near my workplace I wouldn't have had to get out of my comfort zone and discovered more than one way to get to work or from my sister's place out to a few shopping complexes. I used to have to rely fully on my sister to send me to places that I want to go but now I'm becoming more independent now cuz I'm getting to know my way around. So next Monday I will be starting the whole 'butt-or-pits-in-the-face'and the'standing-eyeballs-to-eyeballs-with-drangon-breathed-men' routine again.

Well I guess that's enough sharing for now. Enjoy your weekend.. Toodles..

I'm Leaving But Not On A Jet Plane

Dear Readers...
My ambition of working in the Government is being realized. I received an offer for the position of PT (Kewangan). Last week I received a letter from my division requesting that I go for a refreshers course in Kedah starting from the 12/07-17/07 2009. The proposed location where I will be posted is W.P Putrajaya.

When I read it for the first time I was speechless and couldn't think straight. I mean, I kind of know that there is a chance that this might happen but I still felt shocked that it actually happened. However I have since opened my heart and mind to accept the situation and in a way am looking forward to experiencing new (good ones I hope!) experiences.

So I'm taking this opportunity to thank God The Almighty for enabling me to realize my ambitions, my parents, friends and loved ones for their support. I would also like to apologise to those I've hurt yet never had the opportunity to say sorry to face-to-face. Keep in touch and I hope to see you guys in the future... ;)

Just like an old popular song by Tom Jones, this is just Adios and not Goodbye. Adios Land Below the Wind. Will miss you very much..

PHAT (Pretty Hot And Thick) Fashion..

Dear Readers..

A few weeks ago I was checking my email. I had subscribed for an update from Oprah Winfrey’s website so I went into the website and after browsing for a while, I came across one of her shows that showcased a designer, Charles. He designs clothes for women sized 12 and above. I was rejoicing that a designer had actually taken the trouble to design clothes for girls like me. I mean, hey, we wanna look fabulous too ya’ know. Just because we are ‘cuter’ than the other thin girls it doesn’t mean that we are contented with the clothes that are available for us in the market. If you can call them clothes that is.. The word ‘tents’ and ‘sacks’ come to mind.

Then, just this afternoon I went to the library and came across the October or November Issue (I can’t remember which) of O Magazine (Oprah’s magazine). It contains a spread about that show featuring Charles with pictures of the models and the combination of clothes that they wore on the show. It was nice, some are even gorgeous. With the pictures came the description of the clothes and its prices. As I was scanning the descriptions my eyes widen as I cannot believe what I’m seeing. The crepe dress that was quite basic in shape and style cost around $1,200++, a skirt costs about $700++ and some of the pieces even had a $1,700++ price tag.

I shook my head and closed my eyes before looking at the page again, thinking that my eyes were playing tricks on me. It turns out that they were dead serious. I could barely control myself from emitting a gasp of outrage. I mean can you believe the audacity of that designer? Oh, I’m so angry. I have to admit that when you’re like my size (I’m around a size 14), its hard to find clothes that fits and flatters your shape and size so when you actually find one that fits, you buy it straight away even if it’s more than a RM100 a piece.

This Charles person says that fashion should be fun and that designers need to respect the people that they are designing for. Now, let me ask you, how fun is it to fork out $1,200++ for a dress? How respectful is he really towards the plus sized women that he is designing for when he is slapping a $700++ price tag on a skirt? What a whole lot of hogwash. He came across as really caring and thoughtful by creating this clothing line of his, as if he understands what a plus-sized gal has to go through when trying to shop for clothes that fit. But what good is his line of clothing for plus-sized women if it’s in a price range that only Ivanka Trump can afford to buy?

Okay, so I didn’t read the whole article so I don’t know the reason for the price range. Maybe 90% of the profits are going to be used to help find a cure for cancer or something. Uh.. NOT! As I’ve mentioned before when you’re a size 14 and above, you’ll just buy the clothes that fit you, not caring how expensive it is. This man probably knows that and he’s using that to his advantage. Some of you may say that I’m being dramatic and grasping at straws but really, you can’t deny that it’s an abomination to put a price range that high for any line of clothing at all.

You Gotta Be Kidding Me Right?

That was what I was thinking as the last week went by. As you may know dear readers, I have been seeking employment for some time now. I have started applying since I’ve completed my studies in November and have sent at least a dozen resumes and applications to different organizations ranging from hotels to banks and insurance companies. I may have also mentioned to you that I had attended an interview and was waiting to be called for a third interview.

I had waited and waited but I didn’t get a call. Two weeks passed and still nothing. In the end I called the HR Department and asked if any arrangement had been made. Still nothing.. A member of my family came home one day all excited that a family friend has a post available at their law firm. She urged me to apply but I declined at first because I had not received a definite answer from the place that I had attended an interview at.

But after calling again the answer was still the same. My instincts told me to wait but I was quite frustrated and had doubts about getting the job. Thus, I went ahead with the suggestion made by a few members of my family to apply for the law firm. I got accepted at the law firm on the same day (on Tuesday) that I went for the interview. I was asked to come the next day to get the feel of the work (Wednesday). That’s when things got interesting.

On the same day that I got interviewed and accepted at the law firm, a resort that I had applied for the previous week called me for an interview. I declined as I said that I was currently employed. The next day (Wednesday) which was supposed to be my ‘first day’ I got a call again from the same resort for an interview for another post (I applied for two posts). I declined once again for the same reasons. Then, on Thursday I got a call from the place that I really, really wanted to work at. The place that had kept me waiting.. I was to come for an interview on Saturday..

But dear readers, I forgot to bring my mobile phone to work. The place couldn’t reach me and so they called my home number. A member of my family answered and told them that I was currently employed.. When I came back that evening and got to know about it I was very, very upset. But if life had thought me anything, it was not to give up until I’ve exhausted every one of my resources before giving up.

When I checked my messages that evening there was a message asking me to get back to the Director of HR via the number stated in the message. Instead of using the number that I usually use to call the place, where you need to get through an operator first, I called that number. I had expected to get through to the operator and I was ready to beg the operator to let my call get through to the HRD (It was past 5PM you see and normally the operator would just assume that the office is already closed despite the fact that there may be a chance that somebody might be working late).

A male voice answered and it turned out that the number was a direct one to the Director of HR. I was so surprised that I floundered a bit like a fish out of water before introducing myself end explaining the situation. He asked me if I was able to attend an interview with the GM on Saturday. I said yes immediately. Well, it was more like I shouted ‘YES, YES I CAN!’. I was that excited. ‘Fraid I sounded a bit demented but at that point I didn’t care. Haha.. But I also added that I there are any changes that I would let him know. He told me to call him on Friday to confirm with him.

The next morning I was just about to call him to confirm that I would be able to attend the interview when an incoming call with an office number flashed into my mobile phone screen. I answered and it was him! I told him that I was just about to call him and he asked me why. I said, ” To confirm with you that I will be attending the interview this Saturday”. He said, “Ah.. So you were calling to tell me good news. Well, I have good news for you as well. You have been accepted for the job that you had applied for”.
In that moment I just ‘went mental’ as the Brits would say. I was so shocked and excited. I was asking 1001 questions in the span of a minute. Needles to say, he had to calm me down as he had to give me instructions on what to do that Saturday. I was only half listening because my head was reeling. I managed to take in the important facts though. I was going to start in February! Hooray!

So dear readers, from February onwards I am going to be a known as a working woman. I hope to work hard and work smart as well as to be the best that I can. One of my friends said to me that my life is going to be an adventure from now on and I agree. Like adventures, this journey of mine will not only be all about the exciting stuff but also the hardships and difficulties of first going out to find your way in the world. I hope dear readers that you will pray for my safety and success in this and my future endeavours.

Decisions.. Decisions..

Dear Readers..
I can safely say that I had never had been in a dilemma when it comes to the important stuff in life such as Where should I study, which course, etc. However as I come closer to completing my studies in Diloma level, I began to ask myself questions such as should I further my studies to degree level? Or should I start working?

After that question has been answered (I chose to work), I had to ask myself where do I want to work? In which industry? In which organisation? In what post? So many questions to answer up to the point that I began to feel dizzy. It’s decisions, decisions, decisions… When you actually have made your decision, others may not agree with you. It may be people that you don’t really know that well but offered their opinion anyway or it may be your family members and close friends.

I may be young and haven’t experienced much in life but I am not without any experience at all. I know that not everyone will agree with one’s decisions even one’s nearest and dearest. On the other hand I do believe that while they have the right to express their opinion on the matter, I too have the right to make my decisions because in the end, it’s my life to live. I’m not saying that I know everything and nobody can tell me what to do. I do take other’s opinions into consideration but in the end, I decide which route that I would like to take.

The road that I take may result in a bumpy ride for me but at least I know that it is my decision and I don’t have to blame others or spend my life thinking what might have happened if only I had took the plunge. Taking risks are a part of life and those who do not do so tend to be dissatisfied with their life. I don’t want to be one of those people..

I’m taking the biggest risk that I have ever attempted in my whole entire life.. I have a good feeling about this. I don’t think that it will be easy but I think that when the going gets tough, I’ll still be okay.. I hope to be more matured and grown up aside from having loads of experience in and knowledge about the industry that I have chosen.

Hello 2009

Olla Dear Readers..
I would like to wish you a very Happy New Year 2009. Its seems so surreal to me that I am now facing a new year. In a way I'm excited because there's just so much that can happen in my life at this point as I am no longer a student. I do not have something familiar to look forward to like going to classes, completing assignments, etc. I'm also petrified at the same time for that same reason. I am currently seeking employment. The global recession that we are facing are not helping but I'm trying my very best to be optimistic and keeping an open mind.

I'm learning some things along the way, such as being a bit picky is not necessarily a bad thing. We need to take our academic qualifications and soft skills into account aside from the location and distance of the workplace fromwhere you live. To tell you the truth, I don't really mind that much working with RM800 or so a month. However, if that job requires me to rent out alone and need a car, it's simply not feasible right?

Actually dear readers, I have recently attended an interview and am currently waiting to be called for a third round of interview. I haven't received a call yet and I am keeping my fingers crossed. I really, really want this job.. I can't even begin to tell you how much I do.. I'm keeping my fingers, toes and legs crossed. I would have kept my eyes crossed to but that would not be a good look now would it? Haha.. At least with my legs crossed I would apeear demure and lady like.. ;)

Oh well, I'm way past my luch time and my ideas do not flow very well when my tummy's growling like an angry Rotweiller. Hehehe.. Well, this is all for now.. Cheers!