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Former makeup enthusiast and bookworm. Currently adopting a minimalist lifestyle. Contact me at phylliciarobert@gmail.com for inquiries.
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Thursday, July 07, 2011

I'm Married And Single..

No, no, no, I hadn't just jumped on a plane to Thailand and gotten married. Sorry for the kind of misleading title. I'll be honest and say that this is a rant post concerning married (and single) men and the common way they think about wives and marriage. If you feel that this is not your cup of tea or that this might offend you, do click the 'Back' button and forever hold your peace. Thanks.

As a Government Servant I have witnessed this scenario happen countless times. Husband or wife both work in the Government, one gets transferred and the other tries to follow. Normally, the wife is the latter of course.

Last month someone I know's wife managed to transfer to the district of Tuaran and while us women reacted with "Dapat sudah dia pindah? Wah, syukur la. Mesti dia gembira kan?" upon hearing the good news, the guys reaction could not have been more different than ours. Among the comments were:

"Terhad la sudah pergerakan dia"
"Ha,claim sy sudah masuk. Boleh la keluar... Kalau tidak takut bini lah... Bahahaha..."

I don't know about other women but I kind of feel annoyed and offended at the guys' comments. Why do they always relate a wife who come to join her husband (up-rooting herself from a familiar environment. and plunging into a scary and unknown place) as a drag? 

Sure, the guy will not be able to go out whenever he likes or do whatever he likes. Isn't that part and parcel of marriage? With marriage comes responsibility and also change. You can't expect to get married and enjoy the benefits while still adopting the single life. Otak letak mana, di lutut kah?

Sure, I am not married and may be the last person who is qualified to talk about the subject. I've heard from some friends that they wish that they are single again when life is free and easy with no worries. That's common and there's nothing really wrong with that. Having the day out with the girls, doing girly things and splurging on something completely useless and whimsical is accepted 'single' behavior and to be adopted occasionally as it is good for the soul. 

However, coming home drunk after a wild night's bash is not okay. Text flirting and dating other men is not okay and neither is it 'harmless'. Same goes with the men. Going out with the guys to 'ngerteh' (have a drink, whatever choice of beverage that may be) occasionally is fine. Stumbling home drunk is not okay. Flirting and asking for other women's number is not okay.

Marriage is a sacred union and needs constant TLC and attention to blossom and grow. Even if you are a 'liberally-minded' married couple, there are boundaries that just cannot be crossed. It's true, how a couple manage their marriage is none of my concern. It pains me though to often (much too often, I'm afraid) see marriages go down the drain caused by practicing the 'single' life. Yes, event the liberal ones who do it together. 

Back to what I was saying earlier, sometimes people (especially married men) tend to overly worship and covet the 'freedom' of single life that they over-look the bright side of marriage. It's not all ball and chains and electrocuting barbed fences. You get a companion to share your happy and not so happy moments, a person to snuggle up to at night and, well, do 'other things' with. You get a shared income, a ready pair of arms to hug you and a cheering squad of at least 1 when your down or working towards achieving something. 

That bachelor best friend of yours that you are jealous of and love to hate? He drives haphazardly back to his studio apartment (the only thing he can afford with his single income) rip-roaring drunk and stumbles into his bed (single-sized, assuming that he has one), and wake up the next morning with a hangover that could reduce any jaded rock star to their knees with no one to help them out of bed to go pee.

Conclusion? Men, it's best to hold off from getting married if you're not as financially, emotionally, mentally or spiritually ready as you can possibly be. Granted no one can ever be 100% ready for such a huge and unpredictable undertaking, but keeping an open mind to the changes that may come and not being resentful of the doors that might be closed to you will help you to see the new doors that materializes once you get married, insyaAllah... 

P/S: This also applies to married women who view their husbands as a 'burden' just because they can't do all that they used to be able to do when they were single. If you want to live the single life for ever and ever, just don't get married. Simple. Jangan gatal mau Fairytale Wedding baru mengada mau buat perangai yang tidak ketentuan lepas sudah kahwin.


Amanda Christine Wong said...

nice burn! n that's why i'm not married yet - i still oogle at hot guys' butt that isn't my boyfriend :D

Phoebe said...

Thanks.. It's a matter of making one's decision and committing to it either way. ;)