Whatcha Been Doin' Phy?

Dear readers,
I think it has been a while since I have done updates on my life. As usual, there are a lot of things that I want to say but not enough to do a whole post on so I'll just try to put these bits and pieces into a few categories to make updating easier.

Sophia
My mum and Sophia stayed over at my place for a week during the 1st week and she was so manja with me. There were times when she would not want anyone else but me. Aw.. It broke my heart to pieces when I had to leave her that following weekend. My dad held her and when I hugged my dad, Sophie hugged me. Ndamau lepas lagi tu. Adui, hanya Allah jak yang tau dear readers how I wish I didn't have to leave her.

Last weekend when I visited her Sophia buat derk jak when I play with her tapi bila sy limpas jak dia (contohnya dari kamar mandi pigi bilik mo tukar baju) pandai pula dia menangis macam minta my attention. Ni kes jual mahal ni. My mum called me this morning and told me that Sophia pandai say 'Mama' sudah. Actually lama sudah bah tu tapi all these while dia sebut 'Mamamamamamamamaaaaaaa'.Lol.. Ah, Sophia has certainly grown. Lipatan di lengan dia pun kurang dalam sudah cause her arms have lengthened.

She also has a sense of ownership sudah. Kalu dia mau something dia mau la. Kalau dia sudah pegang something (a small box, a rusk, etc.,) and you try to take it away from her, she would grip it really hard/ pull it away from you with an offended sound/scream bloody murder. It can be funny la especially when she puts the object over her head or behind her to hide it but it has its downsides. She also recognizes people so pandai sudah la dia memilih siapa dia mo minta dukung. Mo trick pun susah sudah. Hehehe...

Work
I quite enjoyed myself this week. I started a new task which I enjoyed very much. Reminds me of my days working in the Front Office except with FO you meet new people every hour and every day whereas with this you kind of handle the same group of people during the duration of their stay when they are on the hotel premises.

I have asked myself time and time again why was I given this job. No, not why my boss hired me but why did Allah put me in this job. What am I supposed to learn? Who am I supposed to meet? Now that this new task has started I kind of know the answer. I feel tired but happy. To be honest sy tidak harap betul mo confirm in this job. Bukan apa, boleh nampak sendiri from the way things are heading. Some things are just not working. Whether I get confirmed or not in this job, I leave it in Allah's capable hands. No, bukan lepas tangan tapi I believe rezeki datang dengan usaha dan izin Allah. If I don't get this job meaning there is something better out there for me, InsyaAllah. Amin.

Oh and I just have to say this... I accept the blunt words that was dealt to me this morning with an open heart and mind. It's not as if it is the first time after all but at least this time it is not said publicly. I have made mistakes, that is true. I am still learning after all. What's amazing was that those words did not get me down, it did not break my spirit, it did not strike fear in me. I have Allah to credit for that. Am I being cryptic? Sorry readers, I'm being discreet, not because I have to but because I know that it's the right thing to do.

Beauty Blog
I have a few ideas on posts to do on my beauty blog. Among them are November Empties which will feature what are the beauty products that I have used up in the month of November. I will also do a makeup wish list for the holidays. Stay tuned for that and show some love by following me on that blog as well which is phoebe-loves-makeup.blogspot.com.

Have a great weekend ahead peeps. Cheers!

Love,
Phoebe

Dear readers,
Today I woke up with a heart as heavy as stone.

Workaholic Much? Set Your Priorities Straight

Hi all,

When someone tells you they work until midnight every single night and there are times when they worked even though they are so sick they are practically half-dead, what is the first thing that crosses your mind? Do you think 'Whoa, this person is tough man' or 'Wow, a true blue workaholic' or 'Meh, ya la tu'. Does it impresses you or makes you pity that person?

There are reasons as to why there are 9 working hours in a day and why there is such a thing as medical leave or better known as MC. Tidak salah kerja lebih dari 9 jam but the big question is are you performing? Kalu ya bagus la,but don't expect everyone to be like you. Tidak salah keja walaupun sakit but again, are you performing to the best of your ability? What's the use of sitting at your desk but not being able to think coherently? It only increases the probability of you making mistakes. 

Okay lah, maybe certain people really do need to work long hours and keep on working even though they are sick, BUT I have enough experience to know that such people would not make such a big deal out of it but those who constantly moan about it, well go figure la. Tepuk dada tanya diri ya tuan2 dan puan2 sekalian.

Some people are so dedicated to their job that they tend to forget one most important thing. Do you know what it is? That no one is indispensable, especially in the corporate world. You sacrifice so much for a company, disregarding your family and your health and when the day comes when you are no longer able to perform because of health problems/you make a mistake and screwed up you can bet that you'd be booted out before you know what hit you. What's worse is that when that happens, belum tentu your family mo jaga ko sudah cause they hardly even know you.

Now, I am not being sour grapes because I don't stay back late or work even though I am green at the gills. No, no, no. Cuma priorities tu kalo boleh kena lah betul. Health is important. With good health you can work, when you can work you can get money. Macam juga bila ibu dan anak naik kapal terbang. In an emergency situation when the oxygen masks drop down from the compartments, who needs to wear the mask first? Secara kasar nampak macam mesti kasi pakai anak dulu tapi sebenarnya it is the mother who need to wear the mask first. Ya lah, kalau dia kasi pakai anak dia mask dulu tapi dia conk out gara2 tiada oxygen siapa lah mo urus anak dia? Useless juga kan? 

Moral of the story is set your priorities straight. God over people, family over outsiders, health over money. InsyaAllah. 

So tell me, do you personally know a workaholic?

Love,

Phoebe

Disclaimer: Isu yang dibincangkan di atas tiada kaitan dengan yang hidup mahupun yang sudah meninggal. Kalo ada yang sama pun perasaan ko jak tu. Sekian.

Pregnancy Taboos.

Hi there,
Before I go any further let me just say that everyone has different views on pregnancy taboos. This post is my 2 cents and based on my experience. Okay, so when new mothers finally get over their excitement and horror (believe me, no matter how planned a pregnancy is, you WILL feel at least a teeny tiny bit horrified) and tell their elders (parents, in-laws, etc) they will be bombarded with taboos or what we local call pantang. These taboos vary from the logical to the downright outrageous. Here are some of the ones that I have heard of:

Don't announce your pregnancy to other than those nearest and dearest to you before your pregnancy reaches 3 months.
It is feared that you might miscarry since the fetus is still at a delicate stage ( God forbid). Nanti palis2 keguguran, tekanan perasaan pula bila orang balik2 tanya how is your pregnancy kan?

Don't buy baby clothes until you have passed the 7th month mark.
The reason being almost same as above, takut si ibu depresi dan meroyan bila nampak barang baby sedangkan baby tiada (again, palis2 jauh2).

Don't sew/cut anything with scissors/go fishing
If you do this it is believed that your baby will get a cleft lip.

Don't step half way out the door then go back in.
It is feared that if you do this, you will face difficulty during delivery whereby your baby's head will not be able to come out fully but keep sliding back in.

Don't Tie a Knot
If you do so your umbilical cord would knot around your baby's neck.

Don't look at anything weird/ugly
If you do your baby would resemble whatever it is that you had looked at. We locals call it 'kapaingan'.

There are a lot more but I don't remember all of it. For the new mom's-to-be, I know it's easy to be over-whelmed with these taboos. You want so much to protect your unborn child to the best of your ability that you'd even surprise yourself at how superstitious you can become. Personally, I only accept the first 2, am on the fence about the last one and brush off the rest as old wive's tale. Ya Allah, please don't test me for saying this but I believe that Allah (or God, if you prefer) is the one who determines our Fate and the Fate of an unborn child, not taboos.

About having to wait for your 7th month in order to shop for baby clothes, I feel that when your pregnancy has hit the 5th month you're good to go. Some people wait until the last possible second to buy baby stuff. For me this practice sangat lah auta. Not only would you be more easily tired close to your delivery, you also won't have enough time to buy all the essentials. Memang ada la tu yg terlupa. Also, its going to cost a bomb to buy everything at once.

Basically just take taboos with a large pinch of salt. What's most important is to pray, take care of your health and hygiene as well as your temperament and attitude. Babies can sense your emotions even when they were in the womb. Like it or not, babies tend to have the characteristics their mothers had during pregnancy. Meaning if you acted like Cruella de Vil during pregnancy, you can safely expect a Tasmanian Devil-esque child. I joke, I joke but you get the picture right?

Act like this...

..and get this. Mau? 

What other pregnancy taboos do you know of? Do you believe in them?

Love,
Phoebe

P/S: Give my Facebook Page (Phoebe_Sophie) some love by clicking on the 'Like' button. Thanks and Happy Deepavali to those celebrating.

What Do You Think?

Hi there,

I have been doing a lot of thinking lately. One of the reason why I had wanted to work at my current company was because the pay is quite big (double compared to my previous pay actually) and so I could pay off my bills comfortably and save up to get a certificate in makeup artistry. I want to have the choice of working for a company yet be able to work using my skills after office hours for extra income or even just work independently.

Generally there are 2 main ways to be a makeup artist. One is to take lessons and the other is through experience whether by working at a makeup counter or starting from scratch (do makeup for family members and friends, etc and build up your clientele from there). I am considering working at makeup outlets like The Body Shop because I think that by doing so I could kill 2 birds with one stone. First of all I get the training and experience and secondly I get to save up money for lessons. Here are the pro's and con's of working in a makeup retail store:

Pro's:
-Get experience and training of makeup skills.
-Acquire product knowledge and marketing skills.
-If you work hard enough you will get higher pay in the form of commission.
-Some makeup brands offer quite a good basic pay.
-Product allowance to acquire products. Good for me as it would help me sate my need to buy makeup and beauty products since I have to do it anyway.
-Work 5 days a week.
-I can delay taking the makeup lessons if needed because I am already getting on the job training. 

Con's:
-Most makeup stores don't do shifts. It's a whole day basis, e.g. from 10.00am to 10.00pm. However since you have to be there to make sure everything is in place before it opens and have to clean up after the store closes, average working hours would be around 14 hours a day with 2 meal breaks.
-You will have to work on public holidays and on weekends. *Correct me if I'm wrong but if you work on a PH, you will be paid double or triple* 
-You can't work at just one outlet, there would be rotations. If a makeup brand has a lot of outlets you will never know where you would be sent to next week, next month or next year. If you get stuck at an outlet that is far from your home your petrol consumption would sky-rocket.
-Since the working hours are atrocious, I would have to leave Sophie at kampung for a longer time since I won't be able to take care of her. To be honest this is my greatest worry.

My 2nd option is of course to do as I am doing right now. Look for a reputable company with a good pay and save up for lessons. I do have another financial based company that I have applied but yet to give me any feedback.

A MUA friend of mine did however tell me that in this business experience is key. She is now working at one of the higher end makeup brands and she told me that she never had formal training, just working experience from various makeup counters. Another contact I have at another store selling beauty and makeup products said that their brand's senior MUA had no formal training or experience, she joined the company and rose to her current position only through learning from Youtube makeup tutorials. Imagine that.

I do think that it's good to be certified though. Somehow I feel it does make a MUA more credible, gives exposure to various environment such as photo shoot sessions and the place where you learn would help you make a portfolio of your work.

So, would it be better for me to pursue an office job and save up for lessons? Or should I work at a makeup retail shop and get the experience? Share with me what you think ya. Thanks for reading!

Love,
Phoebe

P/S: Give my FB page (Phoebe_Sophie) some love by clicking the 'Like' button. Thanks.

Sayang Seribu Sayang..

Hi there,
Hm, this will be a session of me pouring out my sorrows on the cyberzone again, so if you're not interested in my woes, click the 'x' button. I understand, I really do. Masing2 pun ada masalah sendiri, mo baca pasal masalah orang lain mungkin membebankan. For those who are still reading this, thank you for staying with me. Here goes...

Kemarin kena ckp that I didn't use my brain again. Kiranya dia ckp sy ni bodoh lah kan. Yang lucu tu I was referring to this person for something and this person asked me back 'what do you think you should do?' Now for me la kan if you want to ask this question, you have to be open to stupid (again, stupid is subjective) answers because you have opened the floor for someone to say what they think. If you can't handle 'stupidity' (whatever your definition of it is) then don't ask that person's opinion. When I said my opinion she asked why? When I answered that's when she becomes pissed off and walked out of the conversation saying that I am not using my brain.

Okay, maybe I have the wrong opinion or thinking for this business. As a mentor isn't it your job to try and make me see the light? Bukan maksud sy that I should just sit idly while my mentor does all the thinking, its just that since I don't know that I am looking at a situation all wrong, bagitau la how I should look at a situtation. For example, a deal has already been signed and done weeks ago yet suddenly the person that received the deal wants more. I feel that she/he is being difficult because she/he should have said something about it before the deal was signed. I think that 'Well, the deal is signed so too bad you will have to live with it'. If you feel that is wrong then say la 'You can't think that way, these people are giving us needed exposure. If she is pushing for a better deal then we need to see if we can do something about it'. Don't you think?

While I enjoy going to concerts the company is affiliated with, dining at the outlets at 50% and other staff benefits, I really feel that this job is weighing me down. I am new and unsure. I want to learn but every time I move one tiny step I get pissed on yet if I don't move I get shot down. This job is not difficult actually. I can really enjoy myself if only there is clear guidance on what to do and how to do it instead of half-baked instructions. I know there is no work place that is perfect. Favoritism, colorful personalities, office politics, etc, are all part of the work place. However if there is no professionalism memang paling susah la mo handle especially when you are used as an emotional punching bag. I know lah orang ni banyak keja, tension.  Itu kan sudah keja dia, buat jak lah kan? Yang mo sembur orang lain tu buat apa?

I am seriously thinking of looking for another job. I don't think that I am a weakling for doing this. Sepa la bah yang mo keja sekejap then pindah? Boring bah sy malar jadi orang baru. Malar terpaksa akur dan telan orang punya perangai taik2 sampai kena confirm. My future employer pun nanti hesitant to take me in sebab nda pandai stick to one work place nanti. I had wanted to find a place that I can really stay in and I thought that this was it. Sy berabis mo stay, everyday I try to do better tapi it seems that its not enough. I can really sense that I am not wanted here, like I am just a bother, a mistake of judgement. Tapi itu okay lagi, I can still live with it. What bothers me the most is that I can't improve my work this way, in this kind of environment. I can feel that my confidence is ebbing away. Definitely not good.

Hm, sudah la tu kan? Cakap banyak2 pun sama juga. Taking action is better. Will browse through the papers later. Pray that things will be better for me and that if this is not for me then I will find another, if not better job. InsyaAllah, amin.

Love,
Phoebe

P/S: Have you ever had a job that you hated but are hesitant to leave because of the good pay or perks?

My First Experience Attending A Concert

Hi all,
Last Saturday I attended the hitz.fm Birthday Invasion and it was the first time I had ever been to a concert. Laughable, I know. There I was, a 26 year old mother, surrounded by screaming teens and tweens. Being a quiet person did not help my cause either. I just couldn't find it in me to jump up and down screaming as I'm not an ardent fan of any of the bands. *Not because they were not good, it's just that I haven't really listened to their music. I'm not much of a radio listener after all, I only listen to the hitz.fm Morning Crew on the way to work* The only time I actually cheered was when Natalie (hitz.fm DJ) came on stage. I love it when she does the ads on radio because she is so funny.

I was there for work actually. I had debated whether on not to go because if I didn't I would be able to go back to Keningau and see my Sophie sooner. In the end after a long debate with my concience I decided to go, cause I'm responsible like that. *Feel free to puke, lol* As I was standing there with the flashing lights and kick-a** music, I took in the crowd around me. Most of what I saw were teenage girls holding hands with their boyfies, dramatically winged black eyeliner with bright lips wearing sexy clothes (I think I saw one of them not wearing a bra). All of them were jumping, screaming and pumping their fist to the music.

While the scene around me made me dread the day when Sophie would be old enough to go to a concert, I did try to think of how I would have felt if a teenaged me had the opportunity to go to a concert of my fave band like Backstreet Boys *Don't you DARE snigger at me*, Green Day, Blink 182 or Linkin' Park. Most probably I would have done the same thing and acted the same way. I mean, although I didn't know any of the bands or their songs, I did get a bit excited when I got the chance to take a photo with Moots! from Pop Shuvit and JJ and Ean from the hitz.fm Morning Crew. The pics were very dark though sebab lupa guna flash. Punya sayang kan? The only decent pic is of me and JJ taken earlier during the concert.

Let me just say that JJ is such a nice guy. He was very accomodating to his fans and when I signaled at him to take a pic together he came. He could have just pretended not to see me but he didn't. Nda cukup dengan tu I asked for him to call Ean as well and he did. Sweet kan? Hehehe... Ean was accommodating as well so from those encounters I would say that I am officially a fan of them both. I would have cheered and jumped when they finally came on stage but by then I was already tired so I just grinned from ear to ear. Lol.

There was an embarrassing cum funny incident. Me an a colleague thought that with our VIP tickets we could access to 1st floor balcony overlooking the concert. Mula2 masuk Ice Bar sebab ingat ada tangga dalam sana yang boleh access pigi di balcony tu. Sekali orang dalam bar tu cakap tangga tu di luar. So we walked on and on looking for the stairs when we suddenly realised that there were a lot of the performing band members around us. Kenapa ya?

Rupa2nya we were in the backstage area. Bila sedar tu serious ndatau apa mo buat. Mo lari susah, mo stay macam nda sesuai. Tup, tup a lady asked us if we had backstage passes and when we said no, we were thrown out. Cis, bikin malu. Bukan sengaja pun pegi masuk backstage. Kakak Rela yang jaga the area pun kasi biar kami masuk. Nasib la kami berdua ni bukan hardcore fans of Grayson Chance kan, kalo tidak habis sudah tu kakak Rela kena pecat kalo kami serang Grayson. Lol.

Oh, by the way, you can view the pics I took on my Instagram Phoebe_Sophie and I will come back to this post and put in some pics of Grayson Chance performing. Just wanna put up this post up first because nanti too long overdue since the concert so stay tuned for that okay.

Love,
Phoebe

P/S: I went home that night with aching thighs from standing too long. Is that a sign that I was getting too old to be attending concerts. Huhuhu...

Phy The Mermaid?

Dear readers,

As I have written in my previous post I had just learned how to swim a few weeks ago. I am proud to say that I have made a lot of improvement despite going for a swim only once a week. Here's my progress for the past 3 weeks:

Week 1: Learned how to swim. Was able to swim to the middle of the swimming pool (at the short end of it). I would panic immediately when I lose my rhythm, resulting in me sinking and spluttering water out of my nose and mouth.

Week 2: Accidentally learned how to swim while keeping my head above the surface of the water. Also, as I floated on my back I tried to swim with the same principles of the breast stroke and I moved! From 3/4 length of the pool sampai the shallow end tau.Terkejut sy. Hehehe...  My stamina has improved. I could swim from one end to the other end of the pool with some effort.

I also learned how to flip from an upward floating position into swimming position. It wasn't easy! Entah berapa banyak gelen air sy tersedut dari hidung dan keluar dari mulut sy. Suffered a lot but I persevered and it paid off. In the end dapat juga flip dengan jayanya. Very proud of myself. *Pat on myself on the shoulder*

 Week 3: That's this week. I tried flipping from floating position into swimming position from my left side pula (on the 2nd week I focused on turning on my right side). Dapat buat walaupun clumsily and not so smooth. Then I tried to learn how to go from a swimming position to a floating position on my back. This I feel is very useful because kalo palis2 kaki cramp pun at least masih boleh float.

At first I could do it. Then after swimming as usual bila sy mo buat balik, inda boleh sudah! Here's the thing. When I really want to learn something, I would do it again and again until I get it right. Unfortunately for me time tengah2 sy geram and determined to learn la the clock struck 9.00pm. Nooooooo!!! Terpaksa lah beta akur dengan masa yang mencemburui my love affair with the pool.

I was really having a few bad days at work so on top of my allocated day for swimming (Tuesday), I insisted on going the next day as well. Baju renang yg belum kering bukan halangan. Pakai juga sebab eleh, sama juga basah bila masuk pool nanti kan. Masuk jak pool terus practice from swimming to floating position. It took me an hour but Alhamdulillah, dapat juga. As before I focused on flipping on my right side.

Tiba2 sy terfikir mo try doing the same thing on my left side pula but I was hesitant. What if I couldn't do it? What if the pool closes before I could manage to 'master' that maneuver on my left side? I knew I'd go bonkers with frustration if that happened. In the end I decided to just go for it and you know what? I could do it! Almost effortlessly too! In fact buat jak terus berjaya bukan like on my right side, hampir drown entah berapa kali baru dapat buat.

The cherry on top of that whole experience was that when I turn from a swimming to floating position on my left side, I could almost immediately get into swimming position again by turning on my right side. I hope that makes sense. Kiranya I could do a 360 degree turn la. Wah, I felt like a mermaid oh. Hehehe.. I could also swim from one end to the other end back and forth (on the shorter end, as usual). My stamina has further improved! I am so happy with my progress..

Sorry if this post sounds like I'm boasting. The reason why I wanted to share this story is because I had learned a lot of life lessons by swimming. First of all, you have go to try. At least try. Kalo tidak try mana kita tau apa outcome dia kan? Who knows, what might seem difficult is actually easy and your achievement might be beyond your expectations. Second, practice makes perfect. If you can get through the initial pain and hardship, you will improve with time and the payoff would be worth it. Third, you gotta want it to have it. Want is what fuels one's effort in doing something. If there is no desire for it, there will be no effort to acquire it. I try to apply these lessons to my job now and I feel a bit better, No longer do I dread going to work. At least not that much.

Swimming has become my favorite form of exercise and method of releasing stress. If only I could do it everyday. I wish the community recreational center where I go would fix the changing cubicles with a shower. At least boleh terus mandi, shampoo one's hair, etc. Ini terpaksa basahkan badan dengan shower tepi pool, pigi tukar baju then tunggu sampai rumah baru la boleh mandi betul2. Oh well, my love for swimming overcomes that small minor hiccup.

What about you, have you learned something new that you've fallen in love with? What is your favorite way to exercise or de-stress?

This is all for now dear readers. I hope you'll have a nice weekend. See you soon.


Love,
Phoebe
 
P/S: Oh and this week I bought a pair of goggles and a cap to keep my hair out of my face. Ewah3x... Hihihi...

To Quit Or Not To Quit

Hi all,
I know I promised to write less depressing posts right? I don't know if this can be categorized as depressing but for the past few days I have done a lot of thinking, mainly of whether I should stay or leave my current work place. On one hand, I feel like I am not really giving it a proper chance. On the other sometimes the combination of the work culture, the mindset of staffs, crazy people around me makes me feel really stressed. Everyday when I wake up I would feel like crying. I would get mild anxiety attacks, feeling its hard to breathe, my heart would beat twice as fast. I don't think that is very condusive for me at all.

I feel devastated really. I had such high hopes for this job. With the extra money I had planned on saving up for me and Sophie and also save up for a certificate in makeup artistry. Iya lah, since I have so much makeup, might as well use it to make money. Then the tonnes of makeup will become an investment instead of a waste. These are the only reason why I was willing to send Sophie to my hometown for my parents to take care instead of me. Sekali tengo begini pula jadinya.

On top of all that Sophie is at the stage where she is really needy and since she is frequently around my mum and dad instead of me, when I went to see her last Saturday she was afraid of me initially. Nangis bah tengo sy. I felt a part of me died that day. Sakit hati betul ni, not at her but the situation. I really felt that the sacrifice I am making is not worth it.

I don't know why but when my boss gives an instruction it's hard for me to understand what she is saying. I really don't know what she wants. Others seem to understand her just fine especially her protege but I feel as  if my head is shrouded in a mist. Blurred ni. My friend actually said that perhaps that is my defense mechanism against the hurt of being a scrape goat. Cause that's what I am right now really, a scrape goat. She tell me whats wrong but doesn't direct me to the right direction. Whereas when my friend explained in a short sentence and I immediately understood. Perhaps we are not compatible work-wise.

There is a small bright spot though. A few days ago, after harshly criticising my article (while merely teasing her favorites for their mistakes) and asking me to rewrite it, I felt suffocated. I was so stressed that I couldn't write beyond the first sentence (and that one sentence took me 10 minutes to write). It was up to a point when I had to go out and clear my head. I went along the pool and chatted with some of the staff there who were very nice and I realized that this was what I missed the most about hotel line. The interaction, the small talks, the friends, etc.

Sigh.. I guess this is all for now dear readers. Hope you guys are having a better time at work.

Love,
Phoebe.