Sayang Seribu Sayang..

Hi there,
Hm, this will be a session of me pouring out my sorrows on the cyberzone again, so if you're not interested in my woes, click the 'x' button. I understand, I really do. Masing2 pun ada masalah sendiri, mo baca pasal masalah orang lain mungkin membebankan. For those who are still reading this, thank you for staying with me. Here goes...

Kemarin kena ckp that I didn't use my brain again. Kiranya dia ckp sy ni bodoh lah kan. Yang lucu tu I was referring to this person for something and this person asked me back 'what do you think you should do?' Now for me la kan if you want to ask this question, you have to be open to stupid (again, stupid is subjective) answers because you have opened the floor for someone to say what they think. If you can't handle 'stupidity' (whatever your definition of it is) then don't ask that person's opinion. When I said my opinion she asked why? When I answered that's when she becomes pissed off and walked out of the conversation saying that I am not using my brain.

Okay, maybe I have the wrong opinion or thinking for this business. As a mentor isn't it your job to try and make me see the light? Bukan maksud sy that I should just sit idly while my mentor does all the thinking, its just that since I don't know that I am looking at a situation all wrong, bagitau la how I should look at a situtation. For example, a deal has already been signed and done weeks ago yet suddenly the person that received the deal wants more. I feel that she/he is being difficult because she/he should have said something about it before the deal was signed. I think that 'Well, the deal is signed so too bad you will have to live with it'. If you feel that is wrong then say la 'You can't think that way, these people are giving us needed exposure. If she is pushing for a better deal then we need to see if we can do something about it'. Don't you think?

While I enjoy going to concerts the company is affiliated with, dining at the outlets at 50% and other staff benefits, I really feel that this job is weighing me down. I am new and unsure. I want to learn but every time I move one tiny step I get pissed on yet if I don't move I get shot down. This job is not difficult actually. I can really enjoy myself if only there is clear guidance on what to do and how to do it instead of half-baked instructions. I know there is no work place that is perfect. Favoritism, colorful personalities, office politics, etc, are all part of the work place. However if there is no professionalism memang paling susah la mo handle especially when you are used as an emotional punching bag. I know lah orang ni banyak keja, tension.  Itu kan sudah keja dia, buat jak lah kan? Yang mo sembur orang lain tu buat apa?

I am seriously thinking of looking for another job. I don't think that I am a weakling for doing this. Sepa la bah yang mo keja sekejap then pindah? Boring bah sy malar jadi orang baru. Malar terpaksa akur dan telan orang punya perangai taik2 sampai kena confirm. My future employer pun nanti hesitant to take me in sebab nda pandai stick to one work place nanti. I had wanted to find a place that I can really stay in and I thought that this was it. Sy berabis mo stay, everyday I try to do better tapi it seems that its not enough. I can really sense that I am not wanted here, like I am just a bother, a mistake of judgement. Tapi itu okay lagi, I can still live with it. What bothers me the most is that I can't improve my work this way, in this kind of environment. I can feel that my confidence is ebbing away. Definitely not good.

Hm, sudah la tu kan? Cakap banyak2 pun sama juga. Taking action is better. Will browse through the papers later. Pray that things will be better for me and that if this is not for me then I will find another, if not better job. InsyaAllah, amin.

Love,
Phoebe

P/S: Have you ever had a job that you hated but are hesitant to leave because of the good pay or perks?