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Former makeup enthusiast and bookworm. Currently adopting a minimalist lifestyle. Contact me at phylliciarobert@gmail.com for inquiries.
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Thursday, February 06, 2014

Phy Says: Would You Let Your Child Move To The City/Migrate Overseas?

Hi there...

One of my staff came to see me today and asked about his status within the company. After discussing the subject with him, I asked him a few questions and this was how our conversation went:

Me: It's hard to get a high paying job in this town. You're young and single, why don't you go to the city and find a job there?
Him: I can't. I am the only son in the family. My dad won't let me.
Me: Why? The only son should be the one to go out in the world and seek a job elsewhere.
Him: Every time I broached the subject with my dad, he would say,"If you go to the city, who will help me in the orchard? Who will go with me to mend the fence?"
Me: It's difficult when we don't have our parent's blessing to go elsewhere.
Him: Yeah.. He told me the only time he would agree for me to work outside of this town if I got a job in the Government.
Me: I see..

I hear a lot of similar stories like this, where the parents won't let their children venture out of their hometown to look for work inthe city or overseas. Here are some of the common reasons why:
01. They are genuinely concerned that their child(ren) might be negatively influenced by the city life.
02. They are worried what might happen to them if they get into a spot of trouble and their child(ren) are not around to help.

I can understand the parent's concerns and reasons but there are those who hold their children back from pursuing a career out of their hometown for purely selfish reasons. They want their children to be around them and close by. They don't care about what their children's feelings, hopes and dreams of pursuing a career that could very well improve their lives.

One example is this: A friend of mine wanted to go to Kuala Lumpur and try her luck working there. When she stated her intentions to her parents, they stomped on the idea (figuratively of course) immediately. They say that the cost of living is high, that she won't be able to save money, that it doesn't matter where you work yang penting boleh cari makan. When she decided to go anyways (tau la, cuba nasib kan), on the day before she departed, her mother talked about selling the land so that they (the parent)s will have money to send themselves to old folk's home since their daughter is 'abandoning' them.

This makes me really sad and angry. It's one thing to be concerned about your child's survival out there. It's quite another to guilt trip your child. That's just not right and believe it or not, I find that this kind of attitude is very common in parents.

Sometimes I would sit and ask myself, if Sophia murah rezeki and gets to study or work overseas like the United States or United Kingdom, would I stop her? I don't dare to say "No, I wouldn't" now because I don't know what the future might bring. Neither do I know how I will feel when that time comes. However, I really hope that I can be supportive of Sophie's decisions when it comes to her career and where she wants to work. Yang penting halal, mendatangkan kebaikan dan tidak membahayakan diri dia atau orang lain, in shaa Allah. Sebab kalau cakap pasal bad influences ni, di mana2 pun ada. Hatta di kampung pun ada pengaruh2 buruk. The only one who can truly protect anyone or anything is God.

I also hope that I will be able to make a life for myself so that I could be self sufficient and independent when I am old (kalau panjang umur in shaa Allah). This is so that I wouldn't have to depend on Sophia to make my life complete or to entertain me, causing her to be held back from pursuing her dreams should they lie elsewhere.

I am sure there are a lot of parents out there. What say you? Would you let your child(ren) venture out of your hometown/country to pursue their career or would you rather they stay close to you?