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Phy
Former makeup enthusiast and bookworm. Currently adopting a minimalist lifestyle. Contact me at phylliciarobert@gmail.com for inquiries.
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Wednesday, May 25, 2011

The Last Straw..

Today was surprisingly pay day for Government servants. Usually on pay days I would feel like I am given a new tank of oxygen and that I am able to breathe easy again even if it's only for a few days (yes, you read right. Days, not weeks). I would indulge in one meal at 'expensive' restaurants like Kenny Rogers, Michi Japanese Restaurant, etc. and buy either an outfit, a makeup item or a novel (not all three).

Recently my financial situation got to the point where I was literally living on RM50 for the final 2 weeks by eating 2 RM0.50 mee/meehoon for each meal. Which resulted in me coming down with fever, sore throat and cough at least 4 times in the past 6 weeks and getting infections at the drop of a hat. With no nutrition going into my body, I loathe to even think how low my immune level is.  

Today I went to 1Borneo Hypermall intending to eat at New York, New York and buy a novel (it was either The Lost Symbol by Dan Brown, I Heart Hollywood by Lindsey Kelk or The Prodigal Daughter by Jeffrey Archer). However the past 2 weeks experience has left me, well, traumatized so to speak.

I kept changing my mind on whether to go to New York New York to get a square meal and their Mud Pie for dessert, or going to  Secret Recipe to have only their cake then finally reducing my choice to going to Starbucks for a mere Frappucino. I ended up doing none of them. Just as I ended up not buying a novel.

When I tried to decide on what I wanted to spend my money on, instead of feeling the pleasure and anticipation the only thing on my mind is the money I'm spending and it totally ruined everything. I knew if I tried to force my feelings aside and just spend the money, I would feel really awful and guilty.

Needles to say, I felt and still feel really gutted. To go through such hard times and not being able to get a break from the situation feels so frustrating to me. This is the last straw, I really have to move on out of the Government to better things. It's no longer a matter of self-actualization and mental health, it's now become a matter of surviving.

Those of you who have been reading my blog for the past year would know that this has not been on my mind only recently, but has been for a long time. Before I even moved back to Sabah actually. It hasn't been an easy decision either. Lord knows how much I've bawled my eyes out, feeling torn and confused. I'm now accepting of the situation though, So, yeah, will be looking for job vacancies starting tonight and beyond. Keeping my fingers crossed...

5 comments :

asrih arif said...

sometimes... taking the risk and choosing the risky path is what needed to shape a better future.. best wishes.... my prayers are with u!

Amanda Christine Wong said...

well phy,to go out from the govt is a brave choice. so more power to u! good luck finding ur dream job :)

Phoebe said...

Asrih: Aw, thanks asrih. I need as much prayers as i can get. I guess the poem 'The Road Less Taken' really applies to my situation now huh? Hehe..

Manda: Yeah, it takes guts but Lord knows how scared shitless I am right now. Thanks girl, i need all the luck as well. Hehe.. I'm glad things are working wrll for you.

Christy Gwen said...

Gov or not.. $$ yg penting ;) If me.. I'll go for higher pay..stable or not tu belakang cerita.. :) My fiance having the same prob & thought like u too Phy..

Phoebe said...

Gwen: Ur fiance working in govt too? Tu la tu Gwen. Mmg x live la at this pay rate, especially when fuel prices are rising and sundry goods pun ikut naik juga. I hope ur fiance will be able to make the best decision for himself and the both of you. ;)