Lost and Overwhelmed..

Hello there..
I have been silent for a while because I spent a week at my hometown, brought Sophie home to KK for a week then went to my hometown again to sent her to my parents. I just got back 2 hours ago actually.

Anyway, I would really like to put this question out there: Have you ever been at a crossroad where you couldn't decide at all which road to chose and the more you weigh your options, the more conflicted and confused you become? I am, unfortunately, in this situation at the moment.

Life is beautiful but there are occasions when it can feel as if a practical joke is being played on you. For example, you met the man of your dreams who fulfills every criteria from looks to financial stability and compatibility but he doesn't want to have children, like, ever whereas you want at least 5 kids.

Or you scored a position in the company of your dreams with a big pay only to have it take you away from your spouse and children 300 days a year because of the travelling it requires. What I am trying to say is that sometimes you get something or someone that fulfills 95% of your requirements only to have to let go because the remaining 5%, though small, is a deal-breaking factor.

As I was saying, I am at a crossroad in my life. I am a the point where I do know which decision is more favorable to me at the back of my mind but do not have the courage to acknowledge it. I also don't know when or how to implement that choice. I feel guilty of what I would have to do as it does not involve only me but others as well. Sigh. I really hate being in this position.

No matter how icky the situation is, I would have to face it and deal with it anyway. In the mean time I will just try not to worry about it too much, InsyaAllah..

By the way, Sophie got injured during her stay here. The wee little minikin has gotten very attached to me that so much so I couldn't move without her wanting to crawl after me so normally when I needed some time to get things done such as cooking, doing the laundry and dishes, I would put her in the baby cot. I didn't want to leave her unattended outside the cot, takut dia try and stand up only to fall over on the cement floor or that she would explore a dirty corner. She doesn't like being put in the baby cot and would cry as well as attempt to climb out but her foothold would always slip and she would slide down back into it.

Unfortunately on that particular day when she slid back down into the cot, her chin hit the top bar of the cot. The force was so great that her head actually bounced back. I ran over to her and checked her over. Imagine my shock at seeing her mouth bleed. Rasa macam jantung sy gugur 25 kali. I dabbed her mouth with a piece of clean cotton pad and in a few minutes her crying and her bleeding stopped. That night I couldn't sleep. Nangis saja keja sy. I felt so guilty. The worse thing is that it happened again the next day when I had to leave her in the baby cot to make her milk.

I feel like burning the cot. Seriously. Mahal2 la beli tau2 begini bahaya? Bagus lagi tu old school rattan baby cot I used to be put in as a baby.

I wanted to bring her to see a doctor but all the paeds clinic I know were closed for the holidays. I observed her and so far she is fine. She could drink her milk, eat and she didn't come down with a fever. Crossing my fingers that she would stay that way.


This is all for now. I hope you guys are faring better wherever you are. Happy Chinese New Year to those celebrating and be safe.

Love,
Phoebe