Breaking Up Is Hard To Do-Part 2

Hello peeps..
I never intended to make a 2nd part  to my previous post but there is one element to a breakup that has kept going around and around in my mind. It bothered me that I didn't highlight it previously so that is what I'll be going into detail in this post and that element is the ex's family.

If you had been going out with your partner for years, most probably you have met The Parents and gotten to know your partner's siblings and a few relatives. You might even be close to some members of your partner's family. When you break up with said partner, inevitably it will be as if you have broken up with the family too and there will be a double sense of loss for you.

Some say that the break up won't matter, that is between you and your ex, nothing to do with the family and that you can still carry on as usual and be close with them.

I beg to differ.

Although it is somewhat true that the breakup is primarily between you and your ex, it still has something to do with his/her family. Think about it, while you're still hurting badly from the split it will be the only thing that you can think and talk about. If you meet with your ex's cousin for example, would you be able to steer clear of the topic? I don't think so, and when you do talk about it *and surely you wouldn't be singing your ex praises*, you will be putting said cousin in a spot. To agree with you is to turn on his/her own family member. To disagree would be adding insult to your injury.

On the other hand if you manage *with superhuman effort* not to bring the subject of the breakup up, it would still be awkward because it would be like trying to ignore the huge bull elephant that's in the room. Conversation would be a pain and both of you would feel like running away in opposite directions.

So you see dear readers, it would not go down well.

So here are some Do's and Don'ts when it come to your ex's family:

Do
-If you run into them, be pleasant but also be brief. Get away ASAP before you start crying on their shoulder.
-If they bring the subject of your breakup, don't start insulting your ex. Just say that you're disappointed but it's over (politely of course), change the subject and/or make an excuse to leave.
-Stay away from the family during the 1st 6 months of your breakup.

Don't
-Discuss the breakup with them. Please.
-Discuss the breakup AND expect them to take your side. It is after all your ex's decision to break up with you, not theirs.
-Ask them to talk to your ex on your behalf.*This includes making the family member a 'postman' or 'postwoman' for letters to your ex* They won't make your ex's change his/her mind. It's also unfair for both the family member and your ex. Moreover, you might make them fight among themselves. .
-Attend your ex's family functions even if you are invited by the rest of the family. They might just invite you only out of courtesy but do not expect you to show up or they may 'mean well'. Whatever their reasons are, it's best to decline.


I hope you have found this useful especially for those who are going through a breakup. See you in the next post. Wassalam..

Lots of Love,
Phoebe