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Former makeup enthusiast and bookworm. Currently adopting a minimalist lifestyle. Contact me at phylliciarobert@gmail.com for inquiries.
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Sunday, January 01, 2012

Eyes Wide Shut

Hello peeps,
I have been having a really bad time these past few days. Sadness, frustration and anger had managed to infiltrate my defenses and rendered me crippled on the verge of dementia. I was losing my temper constantly and all in all it was just not a pretty sight.

Yesterday I was due to go to a doctor's appointment and although it was my first time with this doctor, I've seen how packed the waiting area was before this. I knew that it was imperative for me to get to the clinic as early as possible.

Unfortunately, it rained heavily early on that morning. The road to our house is not sealed and with tar and gets slippery during heavy rain so to venture out would be fool hardy. I felt so angry and frustrated. I felt as if Allah was being 'mean' because he let it rain on the particular day that I needed it to be sunny. *Juvenile,I know*

So at 8.30am I grudgingly went to the clinic, expecting it to be fully packed and that it would be noon before it would be my turn. Imagine my shock, yes shock, when I arrived to find that the clinic area was almost deserted. In 10 minutes I was in the doctor's room and within 30 minutes of arriving I was done.

I was amazed and I wondered why there were not many patients on that morning. Then it dawned on me that when Allah sent down the rain that morning, it was because he knew how much I needed to get through my doctor's appointment ASAP.


If it wasn't for the rain that made it a bit difficult for the other patients to come that morning, the clinic would have been packed and as early as I might have arrived, I might have still had to wait at least an hour before being attended to. 

I felt thoroughly ashamed of myself then. I mean, it wasn't like I was totally lost or blind to the fact that Allah is never cruel, Allah gives difficulties in order to give something better in return, Qada' and Qadar, etc. However merely knowing, as opposed to truly believing, accepting and having real faith in Allah are vastly different as you can see by my shameful thoughts and reactions in the above.

I really felt that all these while my eyes were widely shut. Allah has given me so much and in so many ways yet I had been so busy moaning about what is lacking in my life that I failed time and time again to see it. I am so grateful that Allah opened my eyes this time around and made me realize all this and ashamed of my petty behavior.

I share this story because I believe I am not the only one that have felt like God was picking on me, that God didn't understand, that God was mean (Astaghfirullah'alazim..). I sincerely hope that this story might bring comfort to you. Amin.

Cheers and wassalam.