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Former makeup enthusiast and bookworm. Currently adopting a minimalist lifestyle. Contact me at phylliciarobert@gmail.com for inquiries.
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Saturday, May 18, 2013


Hello there...

I didn't update on my food log yesterday and I am not going to be updating today's either. Cuti. Hehe.. All I can say is that I haven't had much fruits and missed my jog session for today. However, portion control is still on-going. A slip here and there but I have accepted that as a normal process. After all I want to be on this for life, not just for a month or two.

By the way, I am so glad that I have finally gone to see a doctor today about my wound. True enough, it has been infected despite my best efforts. Huhu.. Had to fork out RM141 for the meds and consultation. Whaaattt? And I thought only doctors in KK charge that much. Sad to say but the consultation left a lot to be desired. I wish I could go to Dr Jainah at CP. She is so patient and really takes the time to listen as well as explain about one's ailment. I wouldn't mind paying the same amount to her. Puas hati bah orang bilang. Well, what's done is done. May my wound heal completely through this treatment, insyaAllah. Amin.

I am really anxious about my financial situation. I wish that I could get a break through getting a job or getting a sale from me and my sister's small business. Not being able to be financially independent is really taking it's toll on me. It hurts to see the disdain, frustration and irritation in the eyes of the people around you. Feeling like a burden is not good for one's self-esteem.

I keep asking myself, why am I in this situation? What is it that I am not doing? Should I pursue this or that? Should I be living here or there? Is there something that I am doing that God doesn't approve of?

If I were to be honest with myself, I think there might be a possibility in that last question. In my heart of hearts, I know that I have to let go but my God, it's so hard! To let go of something so familiar is never easy. I have clung on this long as if it is the answer to my prayers but it seemed that whatever 'it' has given me, there is always something that forces me to give it up. I am gathering my strength to take that much needed step. It will be soon, insyaAllah.

In some ways I really, really miss my life in Putrajaya. My life, not the job. It was free and easy, everything I bought was from my own money and belum ada hutang2 durja. I was independent and fearless. I was so open to every new experience. There are countless times where I regretted coming back. At that time the only person I had to worry about was me.

Oh don't get me wrong, I don't have regrets having a baby to think about now. She has brought a lot of joy into my life. Once you've become a parent, it's like you've entered into another rhealm of no return. You change. Your joy comes more from your baby's giggle than buying the ultimate shade of MAC shadow, for example. It's just that sometimes I would remember the person I used to be but now I can't seem to find the fundamental characteristics I used to have in me anymore. I hope that makes sense.

It's been a while since I've updated regarding Sophie right? Well, she is growing up so fast. She can do a lot of things now. Among them are step into her shorts, put her arms in and out of the armholes of her tops, high five, flying kiss and kiss on my cheek (itu mahal, jarang2 dia buat). She is the highlight of my life. I just wish that I could give a lot more to her. Sigh..

Gee... I am being a wet blanket aren't I? Can you hear the violins playing? Sorry about that. For those who stuck around long enough to read this far, thank you so much for your time. I really do appreciate it.

Until tomorrow (where my post will be of more cheerful nature, insyaAllah). Good night.